Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
