Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
