After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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