She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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