I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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