its not stalking. its research.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
whose parrot is this?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
