I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
