i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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