That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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