The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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