yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
