Duck Duck Cougar?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
