One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
