Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
