i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
