fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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