you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
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