Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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