3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
