I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
