On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
