and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
