I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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