That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
How does one acquire holy water?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
