i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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