well I can't set my house on fire every night
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
