I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
