it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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