Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
