kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
