I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
