Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
