I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
