My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
