Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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