dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
