I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
