Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
