there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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