i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
