i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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