How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
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