I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
