I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Randomize
