Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Ladies don't puke and tell
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
