people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
