There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
