I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
