that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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