i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
