hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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