see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
What a dumb baby whore.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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